After trying to make a relationship work and failing several times, Julie and I have split up and are going our separate ways. We've tried to reduce the intensity of our relationship a couple of times in hopes of finding a workable common ground where we could enjoy the things that really worked (read: sex). But each time we failed -- mainly because we never got the distance we needed to untangle our emotions.

In many senses we were right for each other, but in so many others we were absolutely horrible for each other. I don't want to let go of the absolutely amazingly good things, but the horrible aspects are cutting my soul to shreds.

After 12 years of being in relationships, its time to take a break and let the Mayhem & Chaos Coordinator stand on his own. Its time to remember what it means to be myself and not to be a part of "Rob & X".

And with this I conclude that even though 2008 was painful, my mission for 2008 is fully complete. I stand on my own, in my own apartment; Jean is now my BFF and I have successfully stepped out of her shadow. I've rediscovered my sexuality.

I'm in much better a shape than late 2007 when I set out to change my life. In a few weeks the pain will subside and I'll be ready to explore life as my new self. In the meantime, I'll focus on writing some code for MusicBrainz and the iPhone.

2009, here I come!

Current Location: Pac Rim
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: Guns N' Roses (loud)

My bed time is about 3am. That means that I usually sleept til 10am.

The first few months in my new place it was SILENT in the mornings. Then a wave of construction swept in and came to a peak this morning. Just now I could hear:

- An annoying chainsaw and running truck from tree trimmers
- A demolition hammer taking out a concrete sidewalk
- A circular saw cutting siding for the new houses
- Nail guys (3-5) attaching roofs to new houses
- A Freight train blowing its horn.

The one thing I could not hear was:
- My pussy wailing (yay!)
- My music, which was supposed to drone out the other crap.

Almost comical. Time to go to the office!

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: [NOISE!]

Rules:

* take a picture of yourself right now.
* don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair...just take a picture.
* post that picture with NO editing.
* post these instructions with your picture

Current Location: Office
Current Mood: silly

My project for the burn is human powered lightning. My first version of this art is going to be small -- consider it a stepping stone to bigger and better things next year.

Here is a first video demonstation of the system in action. When you see lightning, I'm pedaling the bike that used to power Das Blinkenwheel. I will hook up two of these lightning generators into an art project on the playa this year. But, I'm not quite ready to reveal how I am going to do this. My SLO friends will already know - but I know they can keep mum for a little while longer.

I've finally passed the go/no go point with this project -- it was hard getting here since this is high power analog electronics. And I have had ZERO exposure to this field previously, so there was a lot of learning and practical application going on here. But I managed to find some decent parts that convinced me that I wasn't totally clueless.

Good thing is that I always biked when going to Radio Shack for parts. I'm down a few pounds because of that trick. :)

Thanks to gern for the o-scope and function generator. Those have made life soooo much easier -- couldn't have done it without you!

Tags: burning man, das blinkenwheel, lightning
Current Location: Pacific Rim
Current Mood: optimistic

After eleven years of being together, Jean and I have decided to amicably part ways tonight.

In those eleven years we've been to some amazing parties, have thrown some amazing parties, seen many places around the globe and made countless friends. But the reality is the people change and people change a lot in eleven years. We're no longer the people who first ran into each other at the mOOn -- we're two different people who define "fun" and "relaxation" in two completely different ways. And when you have two different coping methods from the stresses of life, its hard to be on the same page.

Jean has had Ben for quite some time and they've forged a new life. I have my own place and I'm exploring the world with my new lover Julie. It was time to call it quits while things were still good. And neither of us is left hanging alone -- we each other a person to support us through this time of change. That makes moving on a lot easier!

Jean and I have been best friends for the last eleven years and we don't anticipate that changing. We will still support one another as we have, but we'll be doing it a little differently from now on. How exactly this will change remains to be seen; I'm confident that we can remain best friends as we move forward in our respective lives.

To all of you who have supported us in the last eleven years: Thank you.

Current Location: pacific rim
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: frogs

I've always thought that there were 10 flickr groups for every fetish and human quirk out there. Same goes for web sites. Apparently this fellow agrees:

Current Location: Pacific Rim
Current Mood: silly

2008 has been quite the year so far. Wow.

I moved out of Tanglewood and into my own place so I could reinvent myself. I wanted to create a life style for me that involved more of my friends, overall better health and a more active life closer to the heart of town. I had vague notions about what my goals were, but overall I wanted change. Big change.

Little did I know that this change would set of a chain of events that result me being in the most amazing point in my life so far. So, what's happened so far?

• I moved into my own place.
• I started inviting people to come for dinner every wednesday night. This was an instant hit and now we sometimes have up to 20 people in my house from 6:30 in the evening until 11pm at night.
• Bike happenings and full moon rides often involve a stop at my house. Afterall, the bar moved with me! (Thanks Jean!)
• I started riding my bike to work. I drive a lot less, spend less money on gas and car maintenance and I am losing weight.
• Since I have my own kitchen and I keep it clean, I can cook anytime I want. The end result is that I eat out less often and eat healthier. I cook a lot more -- and I *like* cooking.

I was pretty damned happy with that setup. Almost totally happy. But one thing was still lacking -- Jean has Ben as her primary boyfriend and thus she has got two boys to make her happy. I wanted more sex. Lots more sex.

But really, where am I going to find someone who is ok with me having another girlfriend? And this girlfriend has *another* boyfriend at the same time. Most people can't comprehend this, much less get involved with such a mess. But, I knew that something was going to work out. Not sure, how, who, why or when. But something nagged me to press on, regardless of how awkward or weird this situation may be.

And this Sunday everything changed. In a big way.

For the past few weeks Julie and I have been getting to know each other a little more. She used to date Neil and during that time she flirted with Tubbetha a couple of times. I wanted to find out if there was more to it than that and when I started asking questions I got the answer that "Julie just wants to get laid. No interest in a relationship at all!"

Wait!

That sounds like *exactly* what I am looking for. So we had lots more discussions. Honest conversations. Checking into possible hitches and doing "due diligence" on a possible involvement. It wasn't very romantic, but incredibly honest and direct. We removed one roadblock after another and then set up a date for this monday.

Then my Albino Samoan Brother fucked up buying Cypress Hill concert tickets. Lex and I were supposed to go to SF to see the show, but we were staying with Todd and Todd was going to drive. Everything got weird and instantly awkward. Lex and I decided to we were pretty tired and could use the time creatively to get something done, so I sold the tickets to Todd who lives in SF. Besides, Julie was on my mind. Perhaps the schedule for our date could be "pulled in" a little.

Then the following SMS conversation happened:

April 20, 20:28
M: I'm home and cleaning! Wanna come by later?
J: =) This ? is surely rhetorical
M: Good good. :) any idea when you might make it?
J: If I go on way 2 lab 20-min. If after ?
M: Would it be smarter to get your work done first?
J: No
M: Then I'll see you soon!

April 21, 12:38
M: Is it just me or are the birds extra chirpy and sun extra bright today?

We're a *perfect* fit. Our wants and needs match perfectly. Our desires and mutual attraction make for never ending play time for when get together. We're not in a relationship. We're not dating. We're not a Facebook, "Its complicated" couple. We're lovers. That's it. Lovers. Simple terms to describe a "simple" setup.

Well, they are simple in our world. For everyone else, let them raise their eyebrows and be confused. As for Julie, Jean and myself, we're all 100% aware of what is going on and we're all good with it. When I told Jean she said: "Yay! Congratulations! Good for you!".

That is the status of the grand experiment. If I had planned to have this outcome 6-9 months ago, there was no way I would've thought this to be a plausible outcome. But its real and the smile on my face can be seen a few blocks away.

Thanks to all my friends who have helped get me here! Thanks to Jean and Julie, the two amazing women in my life!

Tags: pacific rim experiment jean julie update
Current Location: Little by Little, Groove Armada
Current Mood: ecstatic

If you're on the Orbitals list you'll likely already know all of this, so it won't be news. But, my MusicBrainz friends will likely want some context around my comments in IRC recently, so this is for you.


As many of you probably know, I'm in an open relationship with Jean -- my sugar mama. And she has another boy, who started as a friend on the side, but over the last two years our lives changed a bit. It was a gradual change based in two people changing along their paths in life. Jean is focusing on her career and frequently needs serious time to recover from work, whereas MetaBrainz and MusicIP enable me to live a decent life again (after being poor for too many years while bootstrapping MusicBrainz). Now that I have more money, I want to ride my bike, go hiking and generally enjoy life with my friends. Jean and her boy enjoy their Wii, pets and movies. We're simply on different paths in life.

But, we're not splitting up. Au contraire -- we're still in love with each another. We're simply adjusting our living situation to reflect how we've been living life. In Polyamorous relationships you have the concept of the Primary partner and secondary partners. The key change is that Jean and I are no longer each other's Primary partner -- over the last two years we've been acting more like secondary partners. From here on out, I am Jean's secondary partner and I have no primary partner. Of course, I am taking applications for that primary slot, but lets just say I am not actively looking to fill that post.

However, I am actively looking for a new place to live. My own place where I can nest, have matching sheets, hold our weekly gatherings and focus on continuing the social atmosphere that we currently have at Tanglewood. Tanglewood will soon be fully taken over by Hansi, Gavin, their 11 year old son Noah and their friends Tobias and Damian. Its going to be a very full house! But, this gives me the opportunity to find the right place for me -- I'm not forced to find a new place RIGHT NOW.

The upshot of all of this? Life is good. Things may be challenging right now, but I am poised to start a new chapter in my life and still have my good friends around me.

If you've been inquiring about my state of mind, thank you. I appreciate your concern for my well being!

Tags: life jean tanglewood
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Ordinary day - Conjure One

Burning Man was absolutely nuts this year -- I most loved riding my bike on Sunday night before Burning Man officially started. I constantly ran into projects that had their artists present and glowing about their completed art. I ended up meeting many ohther artists there and the bonds between random stangers seemed much stonger that night than in the coming nights.



I missed Jack, Zoe and Jean on the playa this year. Having been my compatriots for many years prior, there was definitely a large gap in my experience. But all my friends who were on the playa did an amazing job of keeping me entertained that I didn't dwell on that thought.

Did I mention that I love my friends? I do, even if all the buggers can't make it to the playa!

Tags: art, burning man, fire, people
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Arcade fire -- No cars go

Everyone on the Earth Orbit mail server -- we've had a configuration snafu that we anticipate having fixed by 8pm tonight.

Sorry for the hassles!

--ruaok